diff --git a/cmd/commands/cmd_horoscope.go b/cmd/commands/cmd_horoscope.go
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..41c98161d7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/cmd/commands/cmd_horoscope.go
@@ -0,0 +1,927 @@
+package commands
+
+import (
+	"fmt"
+	"io"
+	"math/rand"
+	"os"
+	"strings"
+	"time"
+
+	"github.com/lightningnetwork/lnd/lnrpc"
+	"github.com/urfave/cli"
+)
+
+// zodiacSign represents a cosmic identity derived from a node's pubkey.
+type zodiacSign struct {
+	Name    string
+	Symbol  string
+	Element string
+}
+
+// signs maps nibble values (0-f) to their corresponding zodiac signs.
+var signs = [16]zodiacSign{
+	{Name: "Aries", Symbol: "The Ram", Element: "Fire"},
+	{Name: "Taurus", Symbol: "The Bull", Element: "Earth"},
+	{Name: "Gemini", Symbol: "The Twins", Element: "Air"},
+	{Name: "Cancer", Symbol: "The Crab", Element: "Water"},
+	{Name: "Leo", Symbol: "The Lion", Element: "Fire"},
+	{Name: "Virgo", Symbol: "The Maiden", Element: "Earth"},
+	{Name: "Libra", Symbol: "The Scales", Element: "Air"},
+	{Name: "Scorpio", Symbol: "The Scorpion", Element: "Water"},
+	{Name: "Sagittarius", Symbol: "The Archer", Element: "Fire"},
+	{Name: "Capricorn", Symbol: "The Goat", Element: "Earth"},
+	{Name: "Aquarius", Symbol: "The Water-Bearer", Element: "Air"},
+	{Name: "Pisces", Symbol: "The Fish", Element: "Water"},
+	{Name: "Ophiuchus", Symbol: "The Serpent-Bearer", Element: "Lightning"},
+	{Name: "Satoshi", Symbol: "The Miner", Element: "Proof-of-Work"},
+	{Name: "Nakamoto", Symbol: "The Timechain", Element: "Consensus"},
+	{Name: "Finney", Symbol: "The Cypherpunk", Element: "Privacy"},
+}
+
+// signsByName maps lowercase sign names to their nibble index.
+var signsByName = func() map[string]int {
+	m := make(map[string]int, 16)
+	for i, s := range signs {
+		m[strings.ToLower(s.Name)] = i
+	}
+	return m
+}()
+
+// prophecies contains 4 daily prophecies per sign, indexed by
+// [signIndex][dayOfYear % 4].
+//
+//nolint:lll
+var prophecies = [16][4]string{
+	// Aries (Fire)
+	{
+		"Your channels burn hot today. A force close lurks in retrograde -- rebalance before Mercury returns to mempool.",
+		"The Ram charges forward. Open a wumbo channel with reckless abandon. The stars have pre-signed your commitment tx.",
+		"Mars aligns with your HTLC interceptor. Route aggressively -- today's fees are written in the constellations.",
+		"Your base fee radiates Aries energy. Other nodes sense your dominance. Raise your fee rate by 1 ppm to assert cosmic authority.",
+	},
+	// Taurus (Earth)
+	{
+		"HODL energy is strong. Your inbound liquidity is a fortress. Do not open channels to nodes with anime profile pictures.",
+		"The Bull grazes in green pastures of sats. Your channel reserve is cosmically protected. No force closes this quarter.",
+		"Venus blesses your UTXO set. Consolidate your inputs under tonight's full moon for optimal fee savings.",
+		"Stubbornness serves you well today. Reject all fee update proposals. Your current rates are divinely calibrated.",
+	},
+	// Gemini (Air)
+	{
+		"You are of two minds: splicing in or splicing out? The oracle says: why not both? Dual-funded channels await.",
+		"The Twins whisper contradictory routing hints. Trust the one that suggests lower fees. The other is a cosmic scam.",
+		"Mercury rules your sign and your gossip protocol. Your node announcements reach further today. Update your alias.",
+		"Duality defines you. Run two nodes -- one on clearnet, one on Tor. The cosmos rewards those who hedge their topology.",
+	},
+	// Cancer (Water)
+	{
+		"Your channels feel emotionally drained. Circular rebalance your feelings and add 500,000 sats of self-care liquidity.",
+		"The Crab retreats into its shell. Enable autopilot and let the algorithm handle your emotional routing decisions.",
+		"The Moon governs your tidal liquidity flows. Expect high inbound during full moon, low inbound during new moon.",
+		"Nurture your smallest channels today. Even a 20,000 sat channel deserves love. Send it a keysend with a heartfelt memo.",
+	},
+	// Leo (Fire)
+	{
+		"You radiate routing confidence. Other nodes gossip about your uptime. Bask in the glow of your fee revenue: 12 sats.",
+		"The Lion demands center stage in the network graph. Add more public channels. Your ego requires at least 50 peers.",
+		"The Sun shines on your commitment transactions. Today is the day to broadcast that pending splice. The mempool awaits your majesty.",
+		"Your mane of channels flows magnificently. But beware: pride cometh before a force close. Check your watchtower backups.",
+	},
+	// Virgo (Earth)
+	{
+		"Your channel database is immaculate but your peers are not. Time to prune the 1-sat-fee freeloaders from your graph.",
+		"The Maiden demands perfection. Audit your SCB backup, verify your macaroons, and organize your UTXOs by size.",
+		"Mercury retrograde disrupts your meticulous routing tables. Accept that some HTLCs will fail. Imperfection is cosmic.",
+		"Your attention to detail reveals a peer with 99.2% uptime. The other 0.8% haunts you. Consider a strongly worded keysend.",
+	},
+	// Libra (Air)
+	{
+		"Balance is your nature. Your inbound/outbound ratio approaches perfection. The cosmos rewards you with a 0-conf channel.",
+		"The Scales tip slightly toward outbound. A small circular rebalance restores cosmic equilibrium. 100,000 sats should suffice.",
+		"Venus enters your fee schedule. Harmonize your base fee and fee rate. Beauty in pricing attracts quality HTLCs.",
+		"Justice demands equal channel sizes. That 16M sat channel next to your 100K sat channel offends the cosmic balance.",
+	},
+	// Scorpio (Water)
+	{
+		"Darkness benefits you. Run Tor, enable SCB backups, and trust no watchtower that charges more than 1 sat/kw.",
+		"The Scorpion strikes with precision MPP splits. Your multi-path payments are cosmically optimized. Strike without mercy.",
+		"Pluto reveals hidden liquidity in unexpected channels. Check your forgotten peers -- one holds 2M sats of untapped inbound.",
+		"Your intensity frightens smaller nodes. They close channels out of existential dread. Let them go. The strong remain.",
+	},
+	// Sagittarius (Fire)
+	{
+		"Adventure calls -- open a channel to a node in a country you can't find on a map. Your routing fees will thank you.",
+		"The Archer aims for distant nodes. Your max HTLC in-flight setting is too conservative. The cosmos says double it.",
+		"Jupiter expands your routing horizons. Consider connecting to a node running experimental software. YOLO is your birthright.",
+		"Your wanderlust leads to exotic routing paths. The 7-hop route is suboptimal but spiritually enriching. Take it.",
+	},
+	// Capricorn (Earth)
+	{
+		"Discipline is your edge. While others panic-close, you calmly adjust your CLTV delta. 144 blocks is your power number.",
+		"The Goat climbs the fee revenue mountain steadily. No shortcuts, no wumbo channels, no reckless abandon. Just sats.",
+		"Saturn rewards your patience. That channel you opened 18 months ago is finally profitable. Trust the long game.",
+		"Your conservative fee policy is vindicated. Nodes that charged 5000 ppm are bankrupt. Your 50 ppm endures eternally.",
+	},
+	// Aquarius (Air)
+	{
+		"Innovation flows through your HTLCs. Consider experimenting with keysend tips. The future is streaming sats.",
+		"The Water-Bearer pours experimental liquidity. Try a zero-base-fee policy. The old ways of routing are cosmically obsolete.",
+		"Uranus disrupts your channel graph in the best way. That random inbound channel request? Accept it. It's cosmically destined.",
+		"Your humanitarian node routing brings connectivity to underserved parts of the network. The cosmos tips you 1000 sats.",
+	},
+	// Pisces (Water)
+	{
+		"You swim in a sea of pending HTLCs. Let them resolve naturally. Forcing them is like forcing a fish to walk.",
+		"The Fish navigates murky mempool waters. Your fee estimator is spiritually attuned. Trust its guidance over your own.",
+		"Neptune clouds your routing decisions. That 0-fee channel seemed like a good idea. It was not. Close it under the next eclipse.",
+		"Your empathy for failing payments is your weakness. Not every HTLC deserves to succeed. Let natural selection route.",
+	},
+	// Ophiuchus (Lightning)
+	{
+		"The hidden 13th sign. You route where others fear to path-find. Your MPP splits are legendary across the gossip network.",
+		"The Serpent-Bearer wields Lightning itself. Your node is a cosmic conduit. Channel capacity is merely a suggestion.",
+		"You transcend the elemental wheel. Fire, Water, Earth, Air -- you are Lightning. Your routing table is the cosmos itself.",
+		"Ophiuchus nodes are statistically more likely to find preimages on the first try. This is not financial advice. It is cosmic law.",
+	},
+	// Satoshi (Proof-of-Work)
+	{
+		"The block reward halving aligns with your fee schedule. Mine your channels with patience. 21M is your mantra.",
+		"The Miner hashes through routing uncertainty. Your proof-of-work is your uptime. 99.99% availability is your cosmic nonce.",
+		"Difficulty adjustment applies to your social life too. The more peers you add, the harder it gets. Focus on quality over quantity.",
+		"Your node embodies the whitepaper. Trustless, permissionless, and cosmically inevitable. Satoshi smiles upon your channel graph.",
+	},
+	// Nakamoto (Consensus)
+	{
+		"Consensus is your strength. When peers disagree on channel state, you are the chain tip of reason. Your node is canonical.",
+		"The Timechain ticks in your favor. Every block confirmation strengthens your cosmic position. Be patient. 6 confirmations minimum.",
+		"Your commitment to consensus makes you the Schelling point of the network graph. Other nodes orbit your gravitational pull.",
+		"Fork warnings are merely suggestions for lesser signs. Your chain of channels is the longest and therefore the most valid.",
+	},
+	// Finney (Privacy)
+	{
+		"Privacy is your superpower. Your node's IP is hidden, your channels are private, and your UTXO set is nobody's business.",
+		"The Cypherpunk encrypts all cosmic transmissions. Your onion routing is triple-wrapped. Even the oracle cannot see your paths.",
+		"Hal would be proud. Your node runs Tor, uses unannounced channels, and your macaroons are baked with zero-knowledge love.",
+		"Your privacy practices are cosmically sound, but you posted your node ID on Twitter. The stars suggest deleting that tweet.",
+	},
+}
+
+// moodConfig contains display settings for each mood.
+type moodConfig struct {
+	Prefix string
+	Advice string
+}
+
+// moods maps mood names to their configuration.
+var moods = map[string]moodConfig{
+	"reckless": {
+		Prefix: "YOLO ADVISORY",
+		Advice: "Open a max-size channel to a random node. Fortune favors the reckless.",
+	},
+	"balanced": {
+		Prefix: "ROUTING FORECAST",
+		Advice: "Maintain your current channel topology. The stars suggest modest rebalancing.",
+	},
+	"sovereign": {
+		Prefix: "SOVEREIGN DECREE",
+		Advice: "Close all custodial channels. Run your own node. Verify, don't trust the oracle either.",
+	},
+}
+
+// elementCompatibility returns a compatibility score and verdict for two
+// elements.
+func elementCompatibility(a, b string) (int, string) {
+	// Special elements are universally compatible.
+	special := map[string]bool{
+		"Lightning": true, "Proof-of-Work": true,
+		"Consensus": true, "Privacy": true,
+	}
+	if special[a] || special[b] {
+		return 95, "transcends the zodiac"
+	}
+
+	if a == b {
+		return 90, "cosmic twins in the mempool"
+	}
+
+	// Normalize pair order for consistent lookup.
+	pair := a + "+" + b
+	if a > b {
+		pair = b + "+" + a
+	}
+
+	switch pair {
+	case "Air+Fire":
+		return 82, "your channels breathe fire together"
+	case "Earth+Water":
+		return 80, "grounded liquidity flows between you"
+	case "Earth+Fire":
+		return 47, "friction in the fee market"
+	case "Air+Water":
+		return 45, "turbulent HTLCs ahead"
+	case "Air+Earth":
+		return 37, "your gossip protocols disagree"
+	case "Fire+Water":
+		return 22, "force close energy detected"
+	default:
+		return 50, "the cosmos is uncertain"
+	}
+}
+
+// chakras assigns a chakra to each hop position.
+var chakras = []string{
+	"Root", "Sacral", "Solar Plexus", "Heart",
+	"Throat", "Third Eye", "Crown",
+}
+
+// crystals recommends a crystal based on sign index.
+var crystals = []string{
+	"Ruby (for aggressive routing)",
+	"Emerald (for stable channels)",
+	"Aquamarine (for gossip clarity)",
+	"Moonstone (for emotional liquidity)",
+	"Citrine (for fee optimization)",
+	"Jasper (for database integrity)",
+	"Rose Quartz (for balanced channels)",
+	"Obsidian (for Tor routing)",
+	"Turquoise (for adventurous paths)",
+	"Onyx (for patient fee revenue)",
+	"Amethyst (for innovative routing)",
+	"Pearl (for graceful HTLC resolution)",
+	"Lightning Opal (for cosmic conductivity)",
+	"Bitcoin Amber (for proof-of-work energy)",
+	"Timechain Diamond (for consensus strength)",
+	"Cypherpunk Sapphire (for privacy shields)",
+}
+
+// peerAdvice provides cosmic advice for each element combination.
+var peerAdvice = map[string][]string{
+	"cosmic twins in the mempool": {
+		"Open another channel during the next halving.",
+		"Mirror each other's fee policies for cosmic harmony.",
+		"Your nodes vibrate at the same frequency. Beautiful.",
+		"The universe ships this pairing. Max out your channel size.",
+	},
+	"your channels breathe fire together": {
+		"This peer fans your routing flames. Increase channel capacity.",
+		"Together you could route the sun. Consider a wumbo channel.",
+		"Your fee revenues align like binary stars. Keep this peer close.",
+		"Lightning and fire -- a cosmically volatile but profitable duo.",
+	},
+	"grounded liquidity flows between you": {
+		"Your liquidity together is as solid as bedrock. HODL this channel.",
+		"Earth and Water nourish growth. Expect organic inbound flow.",
+		"This channel will bear fruit in 6-8 blocks. Patience.",
+		"The most stable pairing in the zodiac. Never close this channel.",
+	},
+	"friction in the fee market": {
+		"Rebalance during a planetary alignment for best results.",
+		"Your fee policies clash. Consider a diplomatic keysend.",
+		"Not terrible, not great. The cosmic equivalent of 50 ppm.",
+		"This channel works but requires spiritual maintenance.",
+	},
+	"turbulent HTLCs ahead": {
+		"Tread carefully. Set conservative HTLC limits with this peer.",
+		"Mercury retrograde amplifies the turbulence. Wait it out.",
+		"Consider a circular rebalance as a cleansing ritual.",
+		"Your elements clash like competing gossip messages.",
+	},
+	"your gossip protocols disagree": {
+		"Communication breakdown. Check your node's announcement frequency.",
+		"Air and Earth don't mix well in the mempool. Reduce expectations.",
+		"This peer is reliable but uninspiring. Adequate liquidity at best.",
+		"Your routing philosophies diverge. Agree to disagree on fees.",
+	},
+	"force close energy detected": {
+		"The cosmos strongly advises against increasing channel size.",
+		"Keep your watchtower on high alert with this peer.",
+		"Fire and Water create steam -- and steamy force closes.",
+		"Close this channel during the next lunar eclipse. Trust the oracle.",
+	},
+	"transcends the zodiac": {
+		"This peer operates on a higher cosmic plane. Channel freely.",
+		"Zodiac compatibility is irrelevant. This connection is destiny.",
+		"The cosmos cannot quantify this bond. It exceeds all metrics.",
+		"A transcendent peer. Open channels with maximum conviction.",
+	},
+}
+
+// horoscopeCommands returns the horoscope command category with all
+// subcommands.
+func horoscopeCommands() []cli.Command {
+	return []cli.Command{
+		{
+			Name:     "horoscope",
+			Category: "Fun",
+			Usage:    "Spiritually grounded liquidity management.",
+			Description: "Mission Control uses historical payment " +
+				"data, but some operators prefer a more " +
+				"spiritually grounded approach to liquidity " +
+				"management.\n\n" +
+				"   Your zodiac sign is determined by the " +
+				"first nibble of your node's identity " +
+				"pubkey. This command has zero effect on " +
+				"your node, channels, or funds.",
+			Subcommands: []cli.Command{
+				horoscopeReadingCommand,
+				horoscopeAnalyzeRouteCommand,
+				horoscopePeersCommand,
+			},
+		},
+	}
+}
+
+var horoscopeReadingCommand = cli.Command{
+	Name:  "reading",
+	Usage: "Get your personal cosmic routing forecast.",
+	Description: "Consult the Lightning Oracle for guidance " +
+		"based on the celestial alignment of your node's " +
+		"public key.",
+	Flags: []cli.Flag{
+		cli.StringFlag{
+			Name: "sign",
+			Usage: "override auto-detected sign " +
+				"(e.g. --sign=scorpio)",
+		},
+		cli.StringFlag{
+			Name:  "mood",
+			Value: "balanced",
+			Usage: "cosmic mood: reckless, balanced, " +
+				"or sovereign",
+		},
+	},
+	Action: actionDecorator(horoscopeReading),
+}
+
+var horoscopeAnalyzeRouteCommand = cli.Command{
+	Name:      "analyzeroute",
+	Usage:     "Analyze a route's celestial probability.",
+	ArgsUsage: "routes-json",
+	Description: "Analyze the cosmic compatibility of hops " +
+		"in a route. Accepts the JSON output of " +
+		"queryroutes via stdin.\n\n" +
+		"   Usage: lncli queryroutes --dest=<pk> " +
+		"--amt=1000 | lncli horoscope analyzeroute -",
+	Action: actionDecorator(horoscopeAnalyzeRoute),
+}
+
+var horoscopePeersCommand = cli.Command{
+	Name:  "peers",
+	Usage: "Rate your peers by zodiac compatibility.",
+	Description: "Fetch your connected peers and rate each " +
+		"one's cosmic compatibility with your node " +
+		"based on zodiac sign element pairings.",
+	Flags: []cli.Flag{
+		cli.StringFlag{
+			Name:  "mood",
+			Value: "balanced",
+			Usage: "cosmic mood: reckless, balanced, " +
+				"or sovereign",
+		},
+	},
+	Action: actionDecorator(horoscopePeers),
+}
+
+// horoscopeReading displays a personal cosmic routing forecast.
+func horoscopeReading(ctx *cli.Context) error {
+	ctxc := getContext()
+
+	var signIndex int
+	var pubkey string
+
+	if signOverride := ctx.String("sign"); signOverride != "" {
+		idx, ok := signsByName[strings.ToLower(signOverride)]
+		if !ok {
+			return fmt.Errorf("unknown sign %q -- the cosmos "+
+				"does not recognize this constellation",
+				signOverride)
+		}
+		signIndex = idx
+		pubkey = "overridden-by-free-will"
+	} else {
+		client, cleanUp := getClient(ctx)
+		defer cleanUp()
+
+		info, err := client.GetInfo(
+			ctxc, &lnrpc.GetInfoRequest{},
+		)
+		if err != nil {
+			return fmt.Errorf("the oracle cannot see your "+
+				"node: %w", err)
+		}
+		pubkey = info.IdentityPubkey
+		signIndex = hexNibbleToInt(pubkey[0])
+	}
+
+	mood := strings.ToLower(ctx.String("mood"))
+	moodCfg, ok := moods[mood]
+	if !ok {
+		return fmt.Errorf("invalid mood %q -- choose: "+
+			"reckless, balanced, or sovereign", mood)
+	}
+
+	sign := signs[signIndex]
+	dayOfYear := time.Now().YearDay()
+	prophecy := prophecies[signIndex][dayOfYear%4]
+	confidence := computeConfidence(signIndex, dayOfYear, mood)
+	sats := luckySats(signIndex, dayOfYear)
+	cltv := luckyCLTV(signIndex)
+
+	// Format pubkey display.
+	pubkeyDisplay := pubkey
+	if len(pubkey) > 12 {
+		pubkeyDisplay = pubkey[:6] + "..." + pubkey[len(pubkey)-6:]
+	}
+
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println("       LIGHTNING NETWORK COSMIC ORACLE")
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Printf("  Node:       %s\n", pubkeyDisplay)
+	fmt.Printf("  Sign:       %s (%s)\n", sign.Name, sign.Symbol)
+	fmt.Printf("  Element:    %s\n", sign.Element)
+	fmt.Printf("  Mood:       %s\n", strings.ToUpper(mood))
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Printf("  %s\n", moodCfg.Prefix)
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Println()
+	printWrapped(prophecy, 50, 2)
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Printf("  Cosmic Confidence: %d%%\n", confidence)
+	fmt.Printf("  Lucky Sat Amount:  %d sats\n", sats)
+	fmt.Printf("  Lucky CLTV Delta:  %d blocks\n", cltv)
+	fmt.Println()
+	printWrapped("Mood Advice: "+moodCfg.Advice, 50, 2)
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println("  Remember: not your keys, not your horoscope.")
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+
+	return nil
+}
+
+// horoscopeAnalyzeRoute analyzes a route's cosmic probability.
+func horoscopeAnalyzeRoute(ctx *cli.Context) error {
+	args := ctx.Args()
+
+	var jsonRoutes string
+	switch {
+	case args.Present() && args.First() != "-":
+		jsonRoutes = args.First()
+
+	case args.Present() && args.First() == "-":
+		b, err := io.ReadAll(os.Stdin)
+		if err != nil {
+			return err
+		}
+		if len(b) == 0 {
+			return fmt.Errorf("the oracle received an empty " +
+				"scroll -- pipe queryroutes output")
+		}
+		jsonRoutes = string(b)
+
+	default:
+		return fmt.Errorf("provide route JSON as argument or " +
+			"pipe from queryroutes with '-'")
+	}
+
+	// Parse the route.
+	routes := &lnrpc.QueryRoutesResponse{}
+	err := lnrpc.ProtoJSONUnmarshalOpts.Unmarshal(
+		[]byte(jsonRoutes), routes,
+	)
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("the oracle cannot decipher this "+
+			"scroll: %w", err)
+	}
+	if len(routes.Routes) == 0 {
+		return fmt.Errorf("no routes found in the cosmic void")
+	}
+
+	route := routes.Routes[0]
+	if len(route.Hops) == 0 {
+		return fmt.Errorf("a route with no hops is like a " +
+			"channel with no capacity")
+	}
+
+	dayOfYear := time.Now().YearDay()
+
+	// Analyze each hop.
+	type hopInfo struct {
+		pubkey  string
+		sign    zodiacSign
+		signIdx int
+		chakra  string
+	}
+
+	hops := make([]hopInfo, len(route.Hops))
+	for i, hop := range route.Hops {
+		idx := 0
+		pk := hop.PubKey
+		if len(pk) > 0 {
+			idx = hexNibbleToInt(pk[0])
+		}
+		chakra := chakras[i%len(chakras)]
+		hops[i] = hopInfo{
+			pubkey:  pk,
+			sign:    signs[idx],
+			signIdx: idx,
+			chakra:  chakra,
+		}
+	}
+
+	// Print header.
+	totalFees := route.TotalFeesMsat / 1000
+	totalAmt := route.TotalAmtMsat / 1000
+
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println("        CELESTIAL ROUTE ANALYSIS")
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Printf("  Route: %d hops | %d sats | Fees: %d sats\n",
+		len(hops), totalAmt, totalFees)
+	fmt.Println()
+
+	// Hop table.
+	fmt.Println("  HOP  PUBKEY           SIGN             CHAKRA")
+	for i, h := range hops {
+		pkDisplay := "unknown"
+		if len(h.pubkey) > 12 {
+			pkDisplay = h.pubkey[:6] + "..." +
+				h.pubkey[len(h.pubkey)-4:]
+		} else if len(h.pubkey) > 0 {
+			pkDisplay = h.pubkey
+		}
+		fmt.Printf("  %-4d %-16s %-16s %s\n",
+			i+1, pkDisplay,
+			h.sign.Name+" ("+h.sign.Element+")",
+			h.chakra)
+	}
+
+	// Hop compatibility.
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Println("  HOP COMPATIBILITY")
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+
+	totalCompat := 0
+	compatCount := 0
+	for i := 0; i < len(hops)-1; i++ {
+		score, verdict := elementCompatibility(
+			hops[i].sign.Element, hops[i+1].sign.Element,
+		)
+		totalCompat += score
+		compatCount++
+		fmt.Printf("  Hop %d->%d: %-12s %d%%  %q\n",
+			i+1, i+2,
+			hops[i].sign.Element+"->"+hops[i+1].sign.Element,
+			score, verdict)
+	}
+
+	// Compute overall metrics.
+	avgCompat := 50
+	if compatCount > 0 {
+		avgCompat = totalCompat / compatCount
+	}
+
+	// Celestial success probability is compatibility adjusted by
+	// cosmic factors.
+	//nolint:gosec
+	r := rand.New(rand.NewSource(int64(dayOfYear*100 + len(hops))))
+	celestialProb := avgCompat + r.Intn(11) - 5
+	celestialProb = min(celestialProb, 99)
+	celestialProb = max(celestialProb, 1)
+
+	// Mercury retrograde risk.
+	retrograde := "LOW"
+	if avgCompat < 40 {
+		retrograde = "EXTREME"
+	} else if avgCompat < 60 {
+		retrograde = "HIGH"
+	} else if avgCompat < 75 {
+		retrograde = "MODERATE"
+	}
+
+	// Cosmic fee multiplier.
+	feeMultiplier := float64(100-avgCompat) / 30.0
+	if feeMultiplier < 1.0 {
+		feeMultiplier = 1.0
+	}
+
+	// Chakra alignment.
+	chakraScore := min(len(hops), 7)
+
+	// Crystal recommendation based on first hop's sign.
+	crystal := crystals[hops[0].signIdx]
+
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Println("  ESOTERIC METRICS")
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Printf("  Celestial Success Probability:  %d%%\n",
+		celestialProb)
+	fmt.Printf("  Mercury Retrograde Risk:        %s\n", retrograde)
+	fmt.Printf("  Cosmic Fee Multiplier:          %.1fx\n",
+		feeMultiplier)
+	fmt.Printf("  Chakra Alignment Score:         %d/7\n",
+		chakraScore)
+	fmt.Printf("  Recommended Crystal:            %s\n", crystal)
+	fmt.Println()
+
+	// Verdict.
+	verdict := "The cosmos blesses this route. Send with confidence."
+	switch {
+	case celestialProb < 30:
+		verdict = "The cosmos strongly advises against this route. " +
+			"Consider path-finding during a full moon."
+	case celestialProb < 50:
+		verdict = "Cosmically risky. Consult your watchtower " +
+			"before proceeding."
+	case celestialProb < 70:
+		verdict = "The stars are neutral. Proceed with cautious " +
+			"optimism and a backup route."
+	}
+
+	printWrapped("VERDICT: "+verdict, 50, 2)
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+
+	return nil
+}
+
+// horoscopePeers rates connected peers by zodiac compatibility.
+func horoscopePeers(ctx *cli.Context) error {
+	ctxc := getContext()
+	client, cleanUp := getClient(ctx)
+	defer cleanUp()
+
+	mood := strings.ToLower(ctx.String("mood"))
+	if _, ok := moods[mood]; !ok {
+		return fmt.Errorf("invalid mood %q -- choose: "+
+			"reckless, balanced, or sovereign", mood)
+	}
+
+	// Get our own sign.
+	info, err := client.GetInfo(ctxc, &lnrpc.GetInfoRequest{})
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("the oracle cannot see your node: %w",
+			err)
+	}
+	myPubkey := info.IdentityPubkey
+	mySignIdx := hexNibbleToInt(myPubkey[0])
+	mySign := signs[mySignIdx]
+
+	// Get peers.
+	peersResp, err := client.ListPeers(
+		ctxc, &lnrpc.ListPeersRequest{},
+	)
+	if err != nil {
+		return fmt.Errorf("the oracle cannot see your peers: %w",
+			err)
+	}
+
+	if len(peersResp.Peers) == 0 {
+		fmt.Println("=================================================")
+		fmt.Println("  The cosmos reveals: you have no peers.")
+		fmt.Println("  Even the loneliest node has the stars.")
+		fmt.Println("  Open a channel to begin your cosmic journey.")
+		fmt.Println("=================================================")
+		return nil
+	}
+
+	dayOfYear := time.Now().YearDay()
+
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println("      COSMIC PEER COMPATIBILITY REPORT")
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Printf("  Your Sign: %s (%s)\n",
+		mySign.Name, mySign.Element)
+	fmt.Println()
+
+	// Summary table.
+	fmt.Println("  PEER             SIGN              COMPAT  AURA")
+	fmt.Println("  ----             ----              ------  ----")
+
+	type peerReading struct {
+		pubkey     string
+		sign       zodiacSign
+		signIdx    int
+		score      int
+		verdict    string
+		aura       string
+		satFlow    string
+		karma      string
+		advice     string
+		flapCount  int32
+		satSent    int64
+		satRecv    int64
+	}
+
+	readings := make([]peerReading, 0, len(peersResp.Peers))
+
+	totalCompat := 0
+	bestElement := ""
+	bestScore := 0
+
+	for _, peer := range peersResp.Peers {
+		peerIdx := hexNibbleToInt(peer.PubKey[0])
+		peerSign := signs[peerIdx]
+		score, verdict := elementCompatibility(
+			mySign.Element, peerSign.Element,
+		)
+
+		// Aura based on score.
+		aura := "Dim"
+		switch {
+		case score >= 90:
+			aura = "Transcendent"
+		case score >= 75:
+			aura = "Radiant"
+		case score >= 50:
+			aura = "Glowing"
+		case score >= 35:
+			aura = "Flickering"
+		}
+
+		// Spiritual sat flow.
+		satFlow := "Balanced"
+		if peer.SatSent > 0 || peer.SatRecv > 0 {
+			ratio := float64(peer.SatSent+1) /
+				float64(peer.SatRecv+1)
+			switch {
+			case ratio > 3:
+				satFlow = "Outward (generous energy)"
+			case ratio > 1.5:
+				satFlow = "Outward (giving spirit)"
+			case ratio < 0.33:
+				satFlow = "Inward (receiving blessing)"
+			case ratio < 0.66:
+				satFlow = "Inward (absorbing energy)"
+			default:
+				satFlow = "Balanced (cosmic equilibrium)"
+			}
+		}
+
+		// Cosmic uptime karma.
+		karma := "Enlightened"
+		switch {
+		case peer.FlapCount > 10:
+			karma = "Chaotic (unstable orbit)"
+		case peer.FlapCount > 5:
+			karma = "Concerning (wobbly axis)"
+		case peer.FlapCount > 2:
+			karma = "Developing (finding center)"
+		case peer.FlapCount > 0:
+			karma = "Good (minor perturbations)"
+		}
+
+		// Get advice from the pool.
+		advicePool, ok := peerAdvice[verdict]
+		advice := "The cosmos has no specific advice."
+		if ok && len(advicePool) > 0 {
+			//nolint:gosec
+			advice = advicePool[(dayOfYear+peerIdx)%len(advicePool)]
+		}
+
+		pkDisplay := peer.PubKey[:6] + "..." +
+			peer.PubKey[len(peer.PubKey)-4:]
+
+		fmt.Printf("  %-16s %-17s %3d%%    %s\n",
+			pkDisplay,
+			peerSign.Name+" ("+peerSign.Element+")",
+			score, aura)
+
+		readings = append(readings, peerReading{
+			pubkey:    peer.PubKey,
+			sign:      peerSign,
+			signIdx:   peerIdx,
+			score:     score,
+			verdict:   verdict,
+			aura:      aura,
+			satFlow:   satFlow,
+			karma:     karma,
+			advice:    advice,
+			flapCount: peer.FlapCount,
+			satSent:   peer.SatSent,
+			satRecv:   peer.SatRecv,
+		})
+
+		totalCompat += score
+		if score > bestScore {
+			bestScore = score
+			bestElement = peerSign.Element
+		}
+	}
+
+	// Detailed readings.
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+	fmt.Println("  DETAILED READINGS")
+	fmt.Println("-------------------------------------------------")
+
+	for _, r := range readings {
+		pkDisplay := r.pubkey[:6] + "..." +
+			r.pubkey[len(r.pubkey)-4:]
+		fmt.Println()
+		fmt.Printf("  %s (%s):\n", pkDisplay, r.sign.Name)
+		fmt.Printf("    Spiritual Sat Flow:    %s\n", r.satFlow)
+		fmt.Printf("    Cosmic Uptime Karma:   %s\n", r.karma)
+		printWrapped("Advice: "+r.advice, 46, 4)
+	}
+
+	// Summary.
+	avgCompat := totalCompat / len(readings)
+	fmt.Println()
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+	fmt.Printf("  Total peers: %d | Avg compatibility: %d%%\n",
+		len(readings), avgCompat)
+
+	if bestElement != "" {
+		fmt.Printf("  The stars recommend: open channels with "+
+			"%s peers\n", bestElement)
+	}
+
+	fmt.Println("=================================================")
+
+	return nil
+}
+
+// hexNibbleToInt converts a hex character to its integer value (0-15).
+func hexNibbleToInt(c byte) int {
+	switch {
+	case c >= '0' && c <= '9':
+		return int(c - '0')
+	case c >= 'a' && c <= 'f':
+		return int(c - 'a' + 10)
+	case c >= 'A' && c <= 'F':
+		return int(c - 'A' + 10)
+	default:
+		return 0
+	}
+}
+
+// computeConfidence returns a deterministic confidence percentage based on
+// sign, day, and mood.
+func computeConfidence(signIdx, dayOfYear int, mood string) int {
+	//nolint:gosec
+	r := rand.New(rand.NewSource(int64(signIdx*1000 + dayOfYear)))
+
+	switch mood {
+	case "reckless":
+		return 87 + r.Intn(13) // 87-99
+	case "sovereign":
+		return 42 + r.Intn(28) // 42-69
+	default: // balanced
+		return 50 + r.Intn(26) // 50-75
+	}
+}
+
+// luckySats returns a cosmically significant sat amount.
+func luckySats(signIdx, dayOfYear int) int {
+	bases := []int{
+		21000, 69000, 100000, 250000, 420000, 500000,
+		1000000, 2100000, 3500000, 5000000, 10000000,
+		21000000, 42000, 69420, 314159, 1234567,
+	}
+
+	//nolint:gosec
+	r := rand.New(rand.NewSource(int64(signIdx*100 + dayOfYear)))
+
+	return bases[r.Intn(len(bases))]
+}
+
+// luckyCLTV returns a cosmically resonant CLTV delta for a sign.
+func luckyCLTV(signIdx int) int {
+	deltas := []int{
+		40, 72, 80, 144, 6, 14, 100, 77,
+		33, 18, 42, 9, 13, 21, 210000, 10,
+	}
+
+	return deltas[signIdx]
+}
+
+// printWrapped prints text word-wrapped at the given width with the given
+// indent.
+func printWrapped(text string, width, indent int) {
+	prefix := strings.Repeat(" ", indent)
+	words := strings.Fields(text)
+	line := prefix
+
+	for _, word := range words {
+		if len(line)+len(word)+1 > width+indent && line != prefix {
+			fmt.Println(line)
+			line = prefix + word
+		} else if line == prefix {
+			line += word
+		} else {
+			line += " " + word
+		}
+	}
+
+	if line != prefix {
+		fmt.Println(line)
+	}
+}
diff --git a/cmd/commands/main.go b/cmd/commands/main.go
index dc9b993de5..705e956843 100644
--- a/cmd/commands/main.go
+++ b/cmd/commands/main.go
@@ -531,6 +531,7 @@ func Main() {
 	app.Commands = append(app.Commands, devCommands()...)
 	app.Commands = append(app.Commands, peersCommands()...)
 	app.Commands = append(app.Commands, chainCommands()...)
+	app.Commands = append(app.Commands, horoscopeCommands()...)
 
 	if err := app.Run(os.Args); err != nil {
 		fatal(err)